Lamomi – Motherly
by Mini Goat
Summary: Sam finds out being a new mom is sometimes a LOT more gross than anyone ever tells you it is.


**_AN: _**_Every single thing Sam and Jack experience in this story actually happened to myself. Thank you to SuzieQ for the great story idea as she lived through my first time mom horror stories. Set a little after the end of __**Shai**__ and __**Al-Ahtafal (Celebrate)**__, Sam and Jack experience the joys of new parenthood. This isn't Jack's first rodeo but he's also finding out that his extraordinarily brilliant wife does in fact have a learning curve, and so does he. Most of the story is about the really gross things babies put their parents through so be prepared for pop and puke._

**Lamomi – Motherly**

It had seemed like such a good idea at the time Jack reasoned. Sam had been dying for some Thai food after months of avoiding anything that didn't have a smell she'd become intolerant of. By intolerant she'd ranged from turning green and fleeing to outright vomiting on the spot. He had very traumatizing memories of her trying to drink a potassium supplement when her legs were aching and immediately vomiting it on his chest. He probably should have thought about it more but Jack had gone into full on spoil Sam mode after she'd given birth and the only thing that had been on his mind was make being a new mom as happy of an experience as he could manage.

Grace had been a happy accident that lead to an extremely quickly planned wedding and Jack was hoping in a year or two to convince Sam they should give Gracie a little brother or sister. If they had another baby, great, if not, it would be fun trying for a while then get a cat. He knew Sam missed Shrodinger. He'd been a good cat and Sam had only given him to Narim because she wasn't home often enough to take proper care of him. Jack was planning on retiring in a couple years if they had a second baby or not. He'd stay on as a consultant for the SGC but he'd effectively hang up his dress blues. Head of Home World Security would be his last official gig with the Air Force and he planned on it being a short one.

So because he wanted Sam to want another baby he was spoiling them both rotten. It was a rare diaper she changed at night or during the day if he was home. He'd been called to Washington already a couple times but George had kept it short knowing he had an infant at home. He'd have fed Grace too but he didn't have the requisite equipment for that job detail. Sam was trying to get Grace to drink from a bottle so she could go back to work once she passed a fitness test. Jack had held his tongue on his opinion of her doing that. It wasn't a battle he'd have won and he'd never hold her back if it was what she really wanted. Area 51 had mostly been about her safety. If he could have guaranteed zero foothold situations he'd have been happy with her staying at SGC putzing in her lab for a few months where he could keep an eye on her. He'd have preferred it that way. He'd missed her immensely while she'd been stationed in Nevada.

And because he was spoiling rotten his lovely tough as nails wife, he didn't even think about spicy food and breast milk. Grace was such a good baby. She rarely cried though that could be as much Sam being entirely attentive to their daughter's needs as her nature. She ate when she wanted, she never sat in a wet diaper and she was held as much as she desired which was basically all the time between two obsessively doting parents.

So Sam had devoured her gai med ma moung and spring rolls in nearly orgasmic pleasure while Jack ate his more sedate Kao Phad with shrimp and Grace had sat between them in her bouncy chair happily kicking her chubby little legs encased in a lamb printed sleeper.

Sam apparently hadn't thought about potential repercussions either. After they ate, she had picked Grace up and carried her to the couch to nurse. After a couple hitches Sam had been a natural at breast feeding Grace. They had a great lactitionist on staff at Nellis Military hospital. More important most of the staff had clearance to know why Sam could only have her own blood among other things.

Grace had nursed until she nodded off. Sam who was still adjusting to her post pregnancy body changes had dozed off too. Jack smiled at them snuggled on the couch out cold and pulled an afghan over them leaving Grace's head to poke out he tucked it around them gently and kissed both their heads softly. He sat down on the other end of the couch and turned on the TV, volume down so he didn't disturb them and flipped channels until he found a game to watch idly. He knew Sam was getting bored with being home. She'd started watching way too much Nova.

He'd put some requisitions in to set up a mini lab in their basement as he wanted her to rest for at least another couple weeks. Preferably another month and a half. Grace was only a month old and Sam was still bleeding pretty heavily. This way she could stay home and still feel useful without having to use the NORAD daycare facilities.

The first indication something wasn't right was Grace's whimper. Jack had thought it was just gas so he extracted her from Sam's arms and put her against his chest to burp her. A few pats in she belched and coated his shirt with hot milky vomit. "Thanks." He told her as he carried her to her bedroom to change her.

Jack laid Gracie down on the changing table and undressed her then pulled his shirt carefully over his head to keep from getting vomit in his hair. He scrubbed the damp spot on his chest with a dry corner of his shirt then tossed his shirt into her laundry basket and put her in a fresh sleeper. "Feel better?" he asked his daughter who let out a grumpy squeak. "Yah well I didn't think that was fun either." He told her as carried her to their bedroom, laid her on their bed while he pulled on a fresh shirt.

He got to the bottom of the stairs when she puked on his shoulder. Jack sighed. "Oh fer cryin out loud Gracie are you done this time?" he asked her as he turned and headed back up the stairs, Gracie whimpering against his shoulder. "Tummy hurt?" he asked her gently as he laid her on her changing pad again. Gracie kicked hr legs. And squawked an objection to yet another change. "Well I'm not the one that threw up again. I notice your mother just sleeps right through these little things." He told her chuckling and tossed yet another shirt into her hamper.

They made it all the way to the couch before she let out a disgruntled wail and threw up on his chest again. Jack sighed and hung his head.

Sam roused at the sound of Gracie's cries. "What's wrong?" she asked him.

"Tummy ache apparently." He told her. "I'm going to go change again."

"Again?"

"This is the third time she's puked on me." He made a face and Sam sat up to take Gracie.

"I'll change her. You go get a clean shirt." She told him.

Jack nodded and stripped his shirt over his head as he walked up the stairs and Sam whistled appreciatively. "Not too bad for an old guy." He agreed.

"Jack the view isn't too bad for a guy in general, old or not." She grinned.

"You're either deprived or biased. Possibly both." But he turned and gave her a libidinous leer.

Sam shook her head. His back was solid muscle criss-crossed with scars and a handful of bullet wounds. The scars served only to make him sexier in her opinion. He was a warrior and few things were hotter than a man who could survive the worst. She went to Gracie's bedroom and changed her again, noticing a couple of his shirts were in her basket. "Do you feel better now sweetie?" she asked the baby as she placed her over her shoulder and gently rubbed her back. "What upset your tummy tonight?"

"Probably dinner." Jack told her as he walked into the room in a fresh shirt.

"Oh no. I never should have eaten something so spicy." Sam told him. "This is my fault."

"Experienced parent here, who did not, in fact, stop you from ordering spicy chicken." He reminded her.

"Still. Her poor little tummy." Sam said sadly and rocked her against her shoulder which was probably the worst idea she'd had in a while as suddenly her back was wet and very very warm. Sam's eyes widened in horror. "Did she just?"

"Yup." Jack told her grimly but the corner of his mouth was twitching.

"Jonathan O'Neill don't you dare laugh." She told him in warning and then cringed in horror as Gracie threw up warm wet vomit into her hair. "Jack." Sam whined.

"Yup." He took Grace before she could vomit again. "Go get in the shower. I'll get her cleaned up."

Sam left the room sniffling suspiciously and would not make eye contact with him. The entire back of her shirt and a large section of hair was coated in milky vomit.

Once he heard the water go on and the bathroom door close he looked into his daughter's soft blue eyes. "Please stop. It's not funny any more." But his rumbling chuckles contradicted his words and Gracie cooed in agreement.

A couple hours later Gracie's tummy seemed to have calmed down even after nursing again. Sam had taken a couple antacids in hopes they would help with the reflux she'd unintentionally given their daughter. All three were cuddled up on the couch together sleepily watching Beyond Tomorrow and Sam wasn't even picking apart the tech. Jack absently stroked her hair with one hand while he held Gracie by her bottom against his chest with the other.

Gracie was out cold and Jack and Sam weren't far behind her. It had been a rough evening. "Why don't we go ahead and go to bed Sam." Jack suggested. Then he yawned. Five shirts in an hour was possibly some kind of record. Gracie had thrown up once more while Sam was in the shower.

Sam had blinked at him sleepily and nodded. "Ok." She already had her nightgown on so they headed upstairs to their room. Sam took Gracie to lay her down in her cosleep cot and noticed she was wet. "Could you hand me a diaper Jack? She's pretty wet."

"Sure." Jack dug around on the dresser for a fresh pack of diapers as he'd used up the last pack last night. Meanwhile Sam had put Gracie on the bed as it was easier to change her there than in the bassinette and undone her sleeper and then gotten her out of her wet diaper. "Any minute now." She told Jack.

"Yah yah. There's too much crap on the dresser. I can't find the new pack of diapers." He admitted. Jack had been the one to just plop everything on their dresser in the first place so he knew he wasn't going to get much sympathy from his wife for this one.

"Jack!" her voice was a horrified squeak.

Jack turned to see his wife holding their daughter up by her legs which wasn't the issue. Gracie had woken up and was pooping… into Sam's hand.

"Jack! Help!" Sam said in a panicked, horrified voice. The poop just kept coming in a long greenish tube of yuck.

He turned and dug around blindly until his hands hit fabric. Not caring he grabbed whatever it was and put it under their gleefully defecating daughter who apparently thought her mother who was now in tears holding a handful of warm squishy baby turd. The fabric was one of his favorite t-shirts. D'oh!

Jack couldn't help it. He tried not to but Gracie was giggling while she finished pooping on his shirt and Sam had this comical horror filled look on her face and Jack snorted.

"Don't you dare laugh Jonathan James O'Neill. It's not funny." Sam warned him but it was funny and his snort or amusement was quickly working it's way into chuckles.

"Here." He handed her the box of baby wipes and held out the waste paper basket they usually tossed them into overnight. When she just looked at him still in tears he pulled out some wipes and started cleaning her hand off. "It's just poop Sam. It will wash off." He told her gently.

"She pooped into my hand." Sam wailed piteously and Jack pressed his lips together and bit his lower lip so hard he drew blood. To hide his giggles he hugged her tightly.

"I know. But think how funny this will be to tell her first boyfriend." He told her in amusement and he felt her shoulders shake as she hiccupped out a giggle.

"That's mean." She said but there was a smile in her voice.

"Yup. The benefit of parenting is embarrassing them for the horrible things they did to us. Go scrub your hand. I'll finish cleaning the poopinator up."

Sam shook her head. "If anyone had ever asked me what was the worst thing my kid would do this was not on the list until today."

Jack chuckled and kissed het forehead. "At least we know she's normal."

"If that's what you want to call that little episode." Sam sniffled and chuckled as she said it then went into the bathroom to thoroughly scrub her offended appendage.


End file.
